i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
