We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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