i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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