I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
