I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
