Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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