we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
