i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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