Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
