speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
