It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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