can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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