I wish I could teleport
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
