we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
