we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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