so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
