I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to make out with him forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
