The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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