Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
third nipple confirmed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think people are normalizing furries
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
