I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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