I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
