Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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