you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
