He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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