Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
