I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
