Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
