if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
