shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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