I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
