Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
