Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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