the day after is always just damage control
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
