I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
