I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
