my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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