I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
