Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
