A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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