I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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