Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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