"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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