Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
