trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
