Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
