i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
