my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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