Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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