Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
