Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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