For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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