i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
